


A Stitch a Day Keeps The Bad Thoughts Away

by ShadeCrawler



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, self-deprecating thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-12 01:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15984407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadeCrawler/pseuds/ShadeCrawler
Summary: Summary: Virgil has found serenity in knitting. Whenever he knits, he tries to make the other Sides a gift. It never ends well.This story is based on this post created by @randomslasher  and @mariniacipher !Warnings: Self-deprecating thoughts.This part is set before Accepting Anxiety!





	1. Chapter 1

Click. Click. Click.

The quiet sounds of knitting needles filled the emptiness of Virgil’s room. The room’s lights were dimmed and the door was locked, not unusual considering the room’s owner. Virgil sat on his bed, a small content smile on his face.

He loved knitting.

It was a really calming activity. Just sitting on his bed focusing on nothing but what he was making. It tended to get his mind off of, well, everything. All the negative thoughts and emotions piling up in his brain and threatening to overwhelm him. All those taunts and comments that Roman threw his way. When he was knitting, he could ignore those for a small while.

But, he didn’t knit just to ignore his problem. He did have an ulterior motive.

The things that he knitted were usually intended for the Lights Sides. It was pathetic, Virgil was more than aware. He was making things for people that hated him.

Virgil took a shaky breath. Thinking about the fact that he made these gifts for the others always got him feeling antsy and on edge. Especially since he knew how much the others hated him. Roman would probably throw a party if mean old Anxiety disappeared. Logan would be able to work a lot more proficiently if he was gone. Patton wouldn’t have to put up with him and wouldn’t get bogged down by Virgil’s presence. Virgil was so pathetic. The Light Sides would think that he was trying to buy their affection, they were going to hate him even more, he should just leave the mindscape for good before they figured out just how awful he -

Virgil shook his head and pushed those thoughts to the side. His hands shook and he tightened his grip on his knitting needles. No, he thought. Knitting time was not stupid thoughts time.

Click. Click. Click.

He stopped knitting for a moment to adjust the ball of bright blue yarn at his side. He really hoped Patton would like his new scarf. He had never given anyone his gift before. Not one of them had been good enough but he had a good feeling about this scarf! Virgil had been working on it since the Q & A video and he was just about finished. And, he didn’t have to tell Patton that it was him who gave it to him! He could just leave it outside his door and maybe Patton would think Logan or Roman gave it to him. No one had to know.

Virgil set down his knitting needles and tied off the last stitch. It was finally done. Virgil grinned and felt a warm bubbly feeling rise up in him. Butterflies were in his stomach but it was the good kind of butterflies. He unfurled the scarf and held it out to get a good look at it and -

Oh no.

It was awful. The stitching was off and the colour was way too bright, what was Virgil thinking, choosing such a stupid shade of blue?! It was awful, Patton would never wear such an ugly scarf! Virgil’s eyes landed on a section where he dropped, like, five stitches and tears burned in his eyes. This was the scarf that he was going to give to Patton, to the one side who actually tolerated him?! This!?!

Virgil clenched the scarf in his hands and buried his face in it. This was just awful. He tried to do one thing and he messed it up. He ruined it just like he ruined everything. He fell to his side and curled up with the scarf still pressed up against his face. He sobbed and the lights flickered ominously. Loud knocking came from his door and Virgil cringed when Roman called out, “Hey, Anxiety! Will you chill already, you emo nightmare?! Thomas is hanging out with friends! The last thing he needs is stupid anxiety! Give it a rest!”

Virgil hiccuped softly in the tear-soaked scarf. He shivered and felt ashamed when he realized just how much anxiety he had pumped out to Thomas by accident. He tried to pull them back in and almost doubled over at the effort. But he did it.

“Thank you!” Roman called out. Virgil listened as Roman stomped away from his room and flinched when a door slammed. It was probably Roman going to his own room.

Virgil removed the scarf from his face. There was tears stains and snot all over it. If Virgil hadn’t ruined it before he had definitely ruined it now.

Virgil got up from his bed and knelt down. He lifted up his blankets and pulled out an old box. He readied himself for the sight that he was about to see and opened it up.

Inside was three piles of different knitted clothes. Hats, scarfs, socks, and even tightly folded blankets. Each and every item filled Virgil with pain. Over the years, he had somehow managed to ruin each gift he had made for the Light Sides. Not one was good enough.

He didn’t know why he kept the failures. Maybe, because they showed just how far he hadn’t come over the years. That no matter what he did, everything he touched, he ruined.

He shifted the nearest pile closer to the side of the box and winced when he saw a gold knitted sash. He had made that years ago when Princey had first started wearing prince clothing. But it was too flashy and there were so many mistakes.

Virgil folded the scarf neatly and placed it on Patton’s pile. He then closed the box back up and pushed it under his bed, pulling the blankets back down to hide the box.

He threw himself back on his bed and pulled his pillow to his stomach.  
Why had Virgil ever thought that he could make something good enough for the Light Sides? He ruined everything. There was no way he could ever give them one of his gifts.

It would just make them hate him even more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan goes to Virgil's room to collect him for dinner. He finds something that he never expected.
> 
> Warnings: Self-deprecating thoughts

The box was close to overflowing.

Virgil glared at the box. Both Side and box sat on Virgil’s bed. Various knitted clothing and blankets were sticking out of the box’s folded top which refused to lie flat anymore. Virgil gripped a pair of knitting needles in one hand and his latest failure sat in his lap sadly.

This was getting ridiculous.  

The box had been getting more and more full ever since he had “ducked out”. Since the others had come to collect him, since they accepted him as ~~family~~ a friend. Things around the Mindscape had done a full one-eighty. 

The atmosphere seemed more relaxed. Virgil no longer felt like an intruder every time he walked out of his room. He didn’t have to deal with Logan watching him like a science experiment about to explode. Roman had stopped glaring and gripping his sword threatening whenever he was around. Patton, well Patton was amazing as always. No need for change there.

They had all been great. Virgil knew that he wasn’t the easiest to deal with but they were trying. And he wanted to show them how much he appreciated it. So he had dusted off his knitting needles and tried to make something that would encapsulate all of Virgil’s gratitude and love.

There was just one problem. Virgil hadn’t gotten any better at knitting. In fact, he had somehow gotten worse.

He had been trying for two months to knit something, anything, that would be good enough for one of the Light Sides. He had tried two pairs of gloves, a scarf, and a hat. Each one turned out awful. There were no dropped stitches or any other mistakes that Virgil could see. But, there was just something wrong about each disaster.

The colours were gaudy. The scarves were too short or too long. The gloves were either too big or too small. The hat, oh fuck, the hat. The pattern was so ugly. It was one of the ugliest things Virgil had ever seen. How could he have ever thought that that hat could be worn on one of his friends?

And then, his latest disaster. Virgil had attempted to knit Roman a sweater. The colour was the same red as Roman’s sash so Virgil had foolishly thought that the same colour would work on a sweater. He had thrown in a pattern of golden crowns around the collar and one big one on the center. Virgil had thought it would work.

Yeah. Virgil was an idiot.

The gold looked awful against the bright red. The crowns around the collar were misshapen and too close together. The big Crown was just awful. The sides were too short and the points on the top weren’t pointy enough. It looked awful.

Tears whelmed up in Virgil’s eyes and he clenched his jaw. He had just wanted to show how thankful he was to the Light Sides for accepting him. They could’ve brought him back and let everything go back to normal but they hadn’t. They were putting in the effort to make Virgil comfortable. Fuck, Logan even told him to take a nap earlier because he saw how little sleep Virgil gets every night. And Virgil couldn’t even make a stupid sweater to show how much he appreciated it.

Virgil's shoulders shook with tears. He pressed the sweater against his chest and glared at it through his tears. Stupid. He was so stupid. Thinking that he could ever make something good enough. He wasn’t Roman. He couldn’t create good things like Roman could. He was just stupid, useless Anxiety.

He yelled a short burst of anger, and threw the sweater at the box, knocking them both to the ground. He collapsed on his bed and curled up in a ball, pressing his hands to his face in an attempt of muffling his sobs. The needles jabbed into his face. Virgil didn’t bring himself to care.

Pathetic. Virgil was so pathetic. 

Virgil fell asleep to the thoughts of just how pathetic, stupid, worthless he was.

* * *

Logan leant back in his chair and turned a page of his newest book. He took a sip of his tea. It was a nice afternoon. Patton was busy in the kitchen making dinner. Logan could hear Patton softly singing as he worked. Roman was seated at the table next to Logan in the dining room, editing one of his latest poems. And Virgil was in his room, hopefully taking Logan’s advice to heart and taking a well-deserved nap. The Anxious Side had been looking so much more worn out lately. Logan had taken Virgil aside this morning and told him that it would be perfectly acceptable if Virgil wanted to take a nap at some point during the day. Virgil had given a half-hearted protest of, “But what if something happens?” but Logan had assured him that he would immediately wake him if necessary.

Logan just wished that the next time he saw Virgil the bags under his eyes will have receded a little.

“Logan!” Logan raised his eyes from his book. Patton was leaning against the kitchen doorway, twirling a spatula in his hand. “Can you go and get Virgil for me, kiddo? Dinner’s almost ready.”

Logan nodded and closed his book, placing it on the table. He stood up and smiled at the eldest trait. “Of course, Patton. If I may, dinner smells excellent.” Patton grinned.

“Why, thank you, kiddo! We’re having pork chops with sides of mashed potatoes and fried kale.” Patton wiped his hands on his frilly pink apron. “There’s also some thumbprint cookies with Crofters cooking in the oven. Should be ready in time for dessert.” Logan immediately brighten. 

“Sounds amazing!” The thought of eating cookies with his favourite jam in them made Logan’s mouth water. Logan stepped around Roman’s chair and nodded at Patton again. “I’ll return with Virgil in just a minute.” He sunk out before Patton could answer. The sooner he got Virgil, the sooner Logan would be able to sink his teeth into some of Patton’s delicious Crofters cookies.

He sunk up outside Virgil’s room and carefully turned the knob. Logan figured that it would be a good idea to check if Virgil was awake and if he was not, rouse him gently. He pushed the door opened and crept into Virgil’s room.

The lights were on but Virgil was, thankfully, sleeping on his bed. His back was to Logan and he was curled into a ball. Logan smiled at the sight. It was about time that Virgil got some sleep. 

He walked around the bed to wake Virgil face to face but nearly tripped on an overturned box lying next to the bed. Logan blinked at the mess. There was what looked like different knitted clothing and blankets spilling out from the box. On top of the box was a red sweater.

Logan picked up the sweater and shook it out. He raised his eyebrow in appreciation. It was a nicely knitted sweater. There were golden crowns knitted around the collar with a larger one on the front. One of the best-knitted sweaters Logan had ever seen. Obviously homemade. Where did Virgil get this?

Logan knelt and rummaged through the box. There seemed to have been three separate piles before the box was thrown. Logan frowned and felt an unpleasant feeling curl in his gut. There were knitted cardigans, blankets in his favourite shade of blue, and even a gold knitted sash. There were so many here. It had to have taken years to knit everything.

An idea started to grow in Logan’s mind. For once, he truly hoped that he was wrong.

He stood up and took the last few steps towards Virgil. His heart sunk at what he saw. 

There were tear stains on Virgil’s face and he was gripping a pair of knitting needles to his chest. Even in sleep, he looked stressed and exhausted. 

Logan clenched his jaw and his hands curled into fists. His guess had been correct and he felt ashamed because of it.

He turned his back on Virgil and knelt back down by the box. He uprighted it and started to methodically and carefully fold everything that had fallen out of the box. He stacked everything neatly in the box and winced when he saw that the top refused to fold back down flat. There was just so much in there.

Logan stood up and took in Virgil. He truly looked like the youngest Side right now. He was just so small. Logan summoned a blanket from his own room and, after shaking it out, gently spread it on top of Virgil.

Virgil immediately lost his grasp on the needles and one hand fisted itself in the blanket and pulled it to his chin. He relaxed and let out a little sigh of contentment.

Logan’s lips quirked up but quickly fell back down when he looked back down to the box. He picked it up and sunk out of Virgil’s room and back into the dining room. Roman was still there, bent over his poem with his brow crinkled. Logan dropped the box unceremonially onto the table. Roman jumped and dropped his pen in surprise.

“Specs! By Odin’s beard, you scared me!” Roman looked at the box curiously. “What’s in there? I thought that you were going to get our dear Edge Lord?”

Logan ignored Roman for the moment. “Patton?” He called. “Can you join us, please? There’s something you need to see.” 

“Just a moment!” There was the sound of the oven being closed before Patton came bustling out of the kitchen. He had a smear of barbeque sauce on his cheek and apron. He looked around the dining room, obviously looking for the fourth member of their family. “Is Virgil coming down?”

“No. Virgil was sleeping and honestly,” Logan flipped the lid of the box open. “I believe this to be much more important.”

Roman and Patton looked into the box. Roman gasped and grabbed the red sweater that Logan had placed on top. “Oh my gosh! Look at this, it’s beautiful! Do you see these crowns, this is amazing! Logan! Where did you find this box of miracles?” 

Patton had a beautifully made pair of white knitted gloves that had a blue cat’s paw print on each palm in his hands. “Oh, Logan. I didn’t know you could knit! I love them!” He looked up at Logan with a big grin on his face which dimmed at the sad look on Logan’s. “Lo? Is everything alright?”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “No, it is not. And, you are correct Patton. I cannot knit. However, it seems Virgil can.” Roman’s jaw dropped.

“Virgil? Our little emo knitted all of this?” He whistled, clearly impressed. “Amazing. I can hardly believe it! Have you seen these stitches? He’s very talented.”

Logan nodded. “He is. However, as much as I wish we could talk about Virgil’s talent in knitting, I believe that there is another thing we should talk about.” He sighed and looked away. “I counted the number of things in there. There are approximately sixty items per stack in there.”

Patton gasped. “Sixty?! Virgil sure is a busy little knitter.” Patton narrowed his eyes and looked down at the gloves in his hands. There was a knowing sad look in his eyes and Logan immediately understood that Patton knew, or at least, had an idea of what was happening.

“Indeed. I believe that Virgil must’ve been making these for years. And, I believe that he’s been making all of this for us, as each item related to each of us in some way.” Logan lowered his gaze to the table in shame. “I found the box thrown on the floor. Virgil was asleep on his bed with knitting needles in his hands. It seems that he cried himself to sleep.”

Patton clutched the gloves to his chest. “Oh.” His eyes widened and tears whelmed up in them. “ _Oh_. He was making these for us?”

Roman’s grip on the sweater went slack and it fell to the table. “You said he had knitting needles with him?” He asked, voice hushed. “If he was knitting these, it must’ve taken him years to knit everything. He would’ve started years before, before,” He trailed off, seemingly unable to finish the sentence.

Logan picked up where Roman had dropped his sentence. “Years before we accepted him. Yes.” He pulled out his chair and practically collapsed in it. “For years we ignored him. And for the entirety of that time period, he was knitting us gifts.”

Logan buried his face in his hands. Though he could not see, he heard Patton sit down in his own chair and take deep grounding breaths. From the sob that burst out of him moments later, it obviously didn’t work.

Roman walked around the table and pulled Patton to his chest. Patton grabbed Roman’s sash and sobbed into Roman’s neck. “I don’t know how to fix this,” Roman whispered. “How do we fix this?”

For once, Logan didn’t have an answer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Virgil wakes up from his nap and finds something missing from his room. 
> 
> Warnings: Self-deprecating thoughts and swearing

Virgil woke up slowly, which was really unusual for him. He usually woke up in the midst of a nightmare, snapping his eyes open and breathing heavily. Waking slowly, naturally, was strange. Virgil moaned and stretched out. His feet got tangled in the blanket and he kicked his way free, pushing the blanket to the floor. He rubbed at his eyes and smacked his mouth. He looked around his room tiredly. 

Then his brain snapped into gear and Virgil realized that the box was missing.

He scrambled off the bed and stared wide-eyed at the spot on the ground where the box full of his knitting disasters had fallen. It wasn’t there. It wasn’t there, it wasn’t there, it wasn’t there.

His mind started to race with possibilities, his breathing getting more and more erratic. What if someone came in while he was sleeping? What if they saw the box and took it? What if they showed the others? Oh no, nonononononono.

“Snap out of it!” Virgil hissed at himself. He forced himself to take a deep breath, moving his hands up and down with each breath. There was a chance that it wasn’t what he thought. Maybe, he had slid the box back under his bed and just didn’t remember it.

He dropped to his knees and pulled up the bed’s blanket to get a good look under the bed. There was nothing. The box wasn’t there. 

Where was the damn box?

Virgil bit his lip, anxiety whelming up in him. Okay, no need to panic. He had been hysterical before he fell asleep, he just might’ve put it somewhere else. He needed to think. Where else could he have put it?

He scanned the room thinking of places he could’ve placed the box when his gaze landed on the blanket he had kicked to the floor and his heart sank. It was a dark blue blanket with a coffee stain on the corner where a certain coffee addicted Side had spilt his drink on his way to his desk. It was Logan’s blanket.

Logan had been up here. Logan had taken his own favourite blanket from his room and spread it over Virgil. Then he had taken Virgil’s box.

Virgil could only stare at the blanket. The others knew. They knew all about Virgil’s pathetic attempts at making something for them. Logan must’ve shown Patton and Roman the box, the evidence of all of Virgil’s failures.

Virgil ran both hands down his face.  He had started knitting about seven years ago. There were seven years worth of poorly knitted gifts in that box. The Light Sides had looked at seven years of Virgil pathetically trying to make gifts for people that hated him at the time.

Not good, not fucking good.

A whine slipped past Virgil’s lips. He should have gotten rid of that box years ago. Instead, he kept it like an idiot and now the others knew. Tears burned in Virgil’s eyes.

The worst thing was that he knew that none of them would say what they were really thinking. How awful each and everything that Virgil had made was. How pitiful it was that Virgil kept knitting even though he never improved. No, they were all to nice for that.

They would lie about how _nice_ everything was. How _thankful_ they were for the gifts, because how couldn’t they have noticed how each item was designed with each of them in mind? Maybe they would even wear one of his stupid, terrible sweaters or hats for a few days out of pity.

Virgil scrunched up his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands into them. He almost wished that Roman would mock him and would Patton giggle at his mistakes. Logan sternly asking why he just didn’t give up would’ve been better than pity.

Virgil shook with repressed sobs and forced back tears. He couldn’t hide in his room, not this time. He made this mess and he would have to deal with the humiliation. He deserved it after all for starting this mess.

There was no way out of this. He would just have to ride it out as best he could and then find a way to get rid of the box. Just chuck it out in the subconscious. Everyone else would be nice enough to not mention it and hopefully, they could all go on with their lives and pretend none of this ever happened.

Virgil jumped when someone knocked on his door. “Virgil? You awake in there, sweetie?” Patton, of course, they would send Patton up here to collect him. Patton would come up to gently inform him that they all knew about his stupid little secret. Virgil rubbed at his eyes and focused on his breathing. He could get through this. He could do this.

“Virgil? Stormcloud?” The door creaked open and Virgil turned just in time to see Patton stick his head in. The light was dim enough that it cast a shadow over Patton’s face. 

“Hey, Pat.” Virgil muttered. “Sorry, didn’t hear you.” He tugged at his sleeve’s zipper anxiously. 

“That’s okay, kiddo.” Patton beckoned him out. “Wanna come with me? We’re having a little family meeting.” Virgil shrunk back. Yeah, a family meeting centred around the fact that Virgil didn’t know when to quit. Great.

“A family meeting?” His voice came out small and shaky. Patton frowned and he walked into the room. He put a hand on Virgil’s arm and squeezed it comfortingly.

“You’re not in trouble.” He said gently. “We’re all just gonna sit down and have a chat, that’s all. After that, we’ll have some dinner, okay?” Virgil nodded reluctantly. Of course, Patton would be saying that. He wouldn’t want Virgil to get freaked out and do anything rash.

Patton’s hand moved down to Virgil’s and he intertwined their fingers. He pulled the Anxious Side out into the hallway and pushed the door closed behind him Virgil let Patton sink the two of them out of the hallway and into the Commons’ living room area. The sight that greeted him was one he was not expecting.

The coffee table had been pushed away from the couch and both Roman and Logan were sitting cross-legged on the carpet with Virgil’s box in front of the two of them. Logan was leaning his back against the couch with his eyes closed. His lips were moving silently almost like he was practising a speech. Roman was sitting up straight across from Logan and his face was raised towards the ceiling. He was drumming his fingers against his thigh.

This was not good.

“Look who I found~!” Patton sang. His tone had gotten a little tense and not as light as it was upstairs. Roman snapped his head over to Virgil and, somehow, straightened even further. Logan opened his eyes and scooted closer to the box like he was eager to get to the inevitable conversation.

Patton released Virgil’s hand and Virgil felt the missing contact like an ache. Patton stepped over the box and flopped down in the spot between Logan and Roman. He gestured across from him. “Go on and sit down, kiddo. We got a lot to talk about.”

Virgil slowly sat down, brought his knees to his chest, and rested his chin on his knees. He tried to think of something to say, an explanation maybe, but he couldn’t form any words. So Virgil didn’t say anything.

Everyone was silent for a few more moments before Roman broke the silence with a heavy sigh. He glanced at Virgil and waved a hand at the box. “You know what we’re going to be talking about, don’t you Sunshine?” Virgil felt a heavy lump form in his throat and nodded. Roman tried to catch his eyes but Virgil kept his gaze fixed on the box. He wished this would just be over already.

Logan cleared his throat. “Before we begin, I believe that I should apologize for going through your belongings, Virgil. I entered your room with the intention of waking you for dinner and found this box full of knitted clothing and other things overturned beside your bed with its contents spilling out.” Logan pulled on his tie anxiously. “I was concerned with what I saw and decided that it was necessary for both Roman and Patton to be informed so the four of us could sit down and have a proper discussion.”

“About what?” Virgil asked. To his shame, his voice cracked in the middle of his question. Roman shuffled closer to Virgil and placed a hand on his knee.

“I don’t want to assume anything, Virgil.” He said. His voice was open and warm which made Virgil feel even worse. Here it comes, the lies and the pity. “Did you make all of these for us?”

Virgil shrugged. What was he going to say? ‘Why yes, Princey. Before any of you discovered that I was actually necessary for Thomas to survive I spent my time knitting gifts for people that wished I didn’t exist.

A gasp caught in his throat when Roman’s hands lifted to cradle Virgil’s face in his hands and turned his head so Roman could look in his eyes. “Well, Stormcloud?”

Virgil clenched his eyes closed so he didn’t have to see Roman’s eyes piercing his. “I’m sorry.” 

Immediately there were voices clambering over each other. 

“What?!”

“There is no reason for you to -”

“Kiddo, you don’t have to-”

Virgil cut them all off. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want their pity and any lies about how _nice_ the gifts were. He couldn’t handle it. He had to tell them it was okay, that they didn’t need to pretend.

“Look, I know that it’s pathetic, okay.” He spat out. He could feel tears behind his eyelids but tried to focus on not shedding any. He pulled away from Roman’s hands and turned his body away from Roman. “I get it. You don’t have to, I don’t know, pretend to like them. I know they’re awful. It was idiotic for me to even try -” He was cut off.

Virgil’s eyes shot open and he flinched back when he was suddenly poked hard in the center of his forehead. Logan had uncrossed his legs and was leaning over to Virgil with the finger that had poked Virgil’s forehead outstretched.

“I don’t want to hear any of that.” Logan said sternly. He dropped his hand and drew back to his spot. “Do you understand me, Virgil? I don’t want to hear you verbally insulting yourself.” 

Virgil huddled into himself and nodded. Stupid. He knew that the others hated to hear himself talk bad about himself, it always brought everyone down. Patton sighed and flipped the top of the box open. A shameful blush crawled up Virgil’s neck. Even though everything was folded down, the stacks still didn’t fully fit inside the box.

“Kiddo, I think that you’re a little confused here.” Patton said gently. “We’re not going to pretend we like any of your gifts.” Virgil’s heart sunk. This was what he wanted, he tried to convince himself. For them to be honest. 

“Padre is correct.” Roman said. He placed a hand on Virgil’s neck and rubbed comfortably. “There is no need for us to pretend. We all appreciate and love what you knitted.”

Virgil scoffed. He shook his head. “You don’t need to lie.” He stressed. “Just tell me the truth.” The others fell silent not knowing what to say to that.

Logan tilted his head at Virgil, obviously considering something, before nodding. “Very well.” He pulled the box closer to him and took out the closest piece of clothing. Virgil cringed at the gold knitted sash. That thing. Why did that thing need to be on top? But this was good. Logan would point out all of his mistakes and failures.

Logan shook out the sash and held it up so everyone could see it. “The truth is Virgil, that this sash is beautifully knitted.” Virgil’s brain did a skip. _What_?

“But, no.” He said. He shifted so he was on his knees and pointed defiantly at the sash. “Look at the colour! It’s so gaudy!”

“I’d have to disagree with you there, kiddo.” Patton said. “I think the gold you chose is beautiful.” He picked up the bottom of the sash and rubbed at the yarn with his thumb and forefinger. “It’s so soft too.” He cooed. 

Virgil couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Couldn’t they all see how terrible it was? “But all the mistakes!” He protested. “I dropped like five stitches on that sash.”

Roman shook his head and held out his hand. “Pass that to me, would you Specs? Me thinks Negative Nancy here needs a closer look.”

Of course, Roman would be the one to be truthful. Patton was way too nice to point out Virgil’s mistakes and it wasn’t logical to make one feel bad. But Princey wouldn’t have any trouble showing Virgil exactly where he messed up.

Logan tossed the sash to Roman who caught it easily. He was definitely the best one of them when it came to catching things. He spread it across his lap and pulled Virgil to his side. Virgil glared down at the stupid sash.

“Show me, Stormcloud. Show me these dropped stitches.” Roman grabbed Virgil’s hand and placed it on the sash. “I want to see these mistakes you’re so sure exists.”

Virgil quickly started to search the sash for the mistakes he knew he had made. He remembered knitting this sash. Virgil remembered the anguish and grief he felt when he finished this sash.

He scanned the scarf and flipped it over when he didn’t see anything. They were probably just all on the other side. He ran his fingers over the sash, trying to find those mistakes. But, he couldn’t find any.

He flipped the sash inside out just to be sure but, again, he couldn’t find any of the mistakes he knew he had made. “This can’t be the same sash.” He declared. “I remember knitting this. There were so many mistakes. You had to have switched it or something.

“I promise you, Virgil, no one switched out any of your gifts with new ones.” Logan said seriously. He waved a hand at the sash “That is your work.”

Virgil gaped at Logan. “But, I, there were so many mistakes.” He insisted softly. Patton crawled around the box and settled at Virgil’s other side. He ran a hand through Virgil’s hair with one hand and used the other to rub his knee comfortingly.

“Sweetie, I think I know the problem. What are you?” Patton asked. Virgil opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by Logan.

“And he is asking for your trait, not attributes of yourself that you find distasteful.” He stressed. Virgil huffed a tired laugh.

“I’m Anxiety.” He said. Patton made a go on motion with his hand. Virgil furrowed his brow in thought. "I’m also Thomas’ insecurities, his doubts, and his fears.” He answered hesitantly. Patton nodded and gave Virgil a proud smile.

“That’s right. And that’s what your room brings out in people. Right?” Patton waited for Virgil to nod. “You were worried about what we would think about the presents, weren’t you?”

Virgil flushed and gave a small nod. Worried would be an understatement. He was always terrified about what they would think of the gifts. What they would say, what they would do. The embarrassment he would face if they didn’t like them was the scariest thing ever to think of. 

“So, do you think that by being yourself, and that’s not a bad thing!” Patton said when Virgil flinched. “I just mean that since you’re Thomas’ anxiety you’re more prone to, I think it's called Cognitive Distortions." He glanced at Logan for approval and waited for him to nod before he continued. "So, since you’re Thomas’ anxiety and you were in a room that enhances anxiety, do you think that might’ve effective how you saw the gifts?” Patton asked.

Virgil thought about it and shrugged again. “It’s not, impossible.” He said, drawing the last word out. Roman and Patton nodded encouragingly. Logan shuffled closer to the three of them. 

“Yes, there are mistakes in some of your earlier works. But that doesn’t ruin them.” Logan consoled. “If anything, it shows how far you’ve come since you started knitting. It’s admirable that you worked so hard to hone your skill.”

Virgil ducked his head to hide the tears swimming in his eyes. This was not what he had been expecting when he came to the Commons. They weren’t lying. Virgil had hung around the biggest liar in the Mindscape long enough to know when someone was lying and they weren’t lying.

“It’s amazing.” Roman emphasized. He dug through the box and pulled out the red sweater with the gold crowns, laying it over the sash. “I must admit though, this one is my favourite. The crowns are fantastic and expertly made.”

Virgil traced one of the crowns with his fingers. “You really like it?” He croaked. Roman nodded and smoothed down the sweater lovingly. 

“I more than like it. I love it.” Roman gushed. “It’s gorgeous.”

Patton pulled out a pair of blue gloves that went halfway up his arm with white cat paw prints on the palm. “These have to be mine! They’re so soft and they have cat prints on them!”

Logan reached into the box and pulled out a corner of a dark cornflower blue quilt. “I believe that this is one of the most well-made quilts I’ve ever seen. Such a calming shade of blue.”

Twin tears ran down Virgil’s face. They were telling the truth. They weren’t lying or putting on a show. They were telling the _truth_.

Logan released the quilt and wiped away Virgil’s tears. “No more tears.” He soothed. He cupped Virgil’s hand in his own and squeezed it. “Virgil, I just have one more question.”

Virgil hiccuped and looked at Logan through his bangs. He waited for the question nervously, but he wasn't as nervous as he had been at the start of the conversation.

Logan hesitated before he started speaking. “We, all of us, were terrible to you. We all shunned and ignored you for years. We treated you less than the ground we walk on.”

Virgil winced at the memories and, reluctantly, nodded.

“So, why,” Logan asked “did you knit these for us? When we treated you so horribly?”

Virgil looked at him and lowered his gaze to the ground thoughtfully. How to explain it? How could he explain his motive for this without seeming totally and 100% pathetic?

“I, I know this is going to sound lame and shit.” Virgil stuttered. “But, I just, I really liked you guys. And, you make things for people you like, right? And Thomas had seen his mum knit before so I just tried my best to copy what she was doing and kept trying.”

Virgil leant into Roman’s side and squeezed Logan’s hand. “So, I kept trying and kept knitting. I was never going to give any to you guys face to face. I always meant to leave it outside your rooms and not say anything.”

Virgil tensed with surprise when Patton wrapped his arms around Virgil’s and pushed his face into Virgil’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry we ever made you feel like you had to hide how talented you are and how much you love us.” Roman wrapped his arms over the two of them, pecking the top of Virgil’s head.

Logan crawled around so he was sitting directly in front of the three of them. He still had Virgil’s hand in his. “You never have to worry about that again. Never.”

Roman ruffled Virgil’s hair, “I know we haven't been the nicest to you in the past my brave knight but, we really are thankful for what you’ve made us. Honoured.” He paused before asking in a quieter voice, “May we still have them?”

Virgil lip wobbled dangerously and nodded. He didn’t think that he could say anything without breaking out into more tears so he just kept nodding. He clenched his eyes closed but that didn’t stop the tears from squeezing out from behind his eyelids. The other Light Sides cuddled him closer to them.

“Yuh, yea.” Virgil huffed wetly. “I knit them for you why couldn’t you have them? Moron.”

Patton laughed and squeezed Virgil’s arm affectionately. “Love you too, kiddo. Thank you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Virgil has given his gifts to the Light Sides at last. There’s just one more person he has to give a gift to.

Virgil fidgeted with his hands nervously. He stood in the Common’s kitchen area and was internally debating if his plan was actually a good idea. The weight in his pocket seemed to grow heavier with each second he stalled. He could do this, he knew he could do this. He reached back and put his hand in his back pocket, rubbing at the yarn in an attempt to find some courage.

Things had improved in the weeks since the Side’s family meeting.

Patton, Roman, and Logan had divvied up the box full of Virgil’s gifts with Virgil there to point out which gift was meant for which Side. He couldn’t believe just how much he had knitted over the years. 

Virgil had felt like sinking in the subconscious and never coming back when Patton pulled out the blue, snot and tear covered scarf that Virgil had knitted before he had been accepted. But Patton had just given Virgil a sad and shaky smile and patted his cheek. 

“Don’t worry, kiddo. It just needs to be popped in the washer and it’ll be good as new.” He had promised. “The worst thing that could happen is that it needs to be hand washed. It’s not ruined though.”

Things had gone back to normal, well, as normal as their little ragtag family could be. With the notable exception that the other’s outfit now usually included something that Virgil had knitted. 

Virgil still could hardly believe how much they really liked the gifts. He had almost cried when Logan had walked downstairs a few mornings after the meeting wearing the dark blue knitted tie that Virgil had knitted for him when Thomas was twenty. He **had** started crying when Roman came downstairs after him with his usual red sash replaced with his new bright golden one.

The others had tried to comfort him but Virgil had just waved them off grinning. “I’m not sad. Just, I guess they’re happy tears.” Logan had been confused at the notion of “happy tears” but Patton had understood and pulled Virgil into a tight hug.

Patton had approached him about a week afterwards with a pair of knitting needles and asked if Virgil could teach him how to knit. Virgil had been floored and asked Patton if he was sure. Patton had been adamant and insisted that he wanted to learn from Virgil.

“Besides, can you imagine if I get good enough!?” Patton had gushed. “The two of us can knit a quilt big enough that all four of us can cuddle under it!”  Virgil had hidden a smile behind a hand and agreed.

Roman had led him aside one day and gave him a box, about the size of the one that had all of the gifts Virgil had knitted in it. When he had opened the box, Virgil had found about a hundred or so different colour balls of yarn.

“I thought that you might want some new colours.” Roman had explained, a mix of embarrassed and pleased. “I made sure that there’s a bunch of different shades in there. And there’s even a few balls that have a whole bunch of different colours in them! So, you can knit more stuff, if you want to of course!” Roman probably had a lot more to say but Virgil had interrupted him by dropping the box and diving into Roman’s arms for a hug.

That had been two weeks ago. And in those two weeks, Virgil had been working on a special project.

He had worked hard on it. He had spent time researching the pattern he had wanted to use by going looking at the gifts he had given the others and spent the same amount of time choosing the right different colours of yarn he wanted to use. 

Virgil had asked Logan if he could knit this project in his room instead of his own. He didn’t want to fall into the same trap he had before. Logan had agreed and asked if, in return, he could watch. Virgil had accepted and had come into Logan’s room every day for two days and spent about an hour knitting his special project as Logan sat on the bed with him and watched curiously, asking questions every so often.

And now he was done. Virgil was done with his special project and was wondering if this was actually something he should do. What if he didn’t like it? It was pretty stupid after all. Maybe he should just go back up to his room and forget all about it.

Virgil shook his head and gripped the object in his back pocket. He had worked on this and had gone over it critically. There were no mistakes, the colours were nice, not any of Virgil’s favourites but still nice, and it was the right size. Logan had looked over the gift and assured Virgil that the receiver was going to love the gift.

He had shown Patton and Roman too just to make sure. Roman had gushed over the stitching and colours. Patton had gathered Virgil in a hug and said that he was so proud of him for not giving up on knitting and that the person he was going to give the gift to was going to love it.

He could do this. He could **do** this.

Virgil straightened his back just like Roman did before he left on dangerous quests and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Both Patton and Thomas sat on the Commons’ couch. Thomas was waving his hands around animatedly, obviously telling a story. Patton was leaning against the arm of the couch with a content smile on his face. 

Patton glanced up and grinned when he saw Virgil standing there. He raised his eyebrow questioningly and practically beamed when Virgil gave a short and tense nod. He placed a hand on Thomas’ arm.

“I need to go upstairs for just a sec. I’ll be back in a bit.” He promised. Thomas nodded and relaxed back into the couch. Patton stood up and bounced out of the room, shooting Virgil a thumbs up on the way.

Virgil took a deep breath and made his way over to Thomas. He kept repeating over and over in his head, ‘ _He’ll like it, he won’t be mad. He’ll like it, he won’t be mad_.’

Thomas was hitting his hands on his thighs to some unheard rhythm and did a double take when he caught sight of Virgil. “Hey!” He turned in his seat and beamed at Virgil. “Where have you been all day? I haven’t seen you since yesterday!”

Virgil joined Thomas on the couch. “Been busy.” He said nonchalantly. The object in his project seemed even heavier now that he was closer to the person it was meant for. “I’ve been working on a project.”

Thomas leant forward and bumped Virgil’s shoulder with his own. “Does this have anything to do with all the new knitted stuff the others have been wearing?” He smiled gently when Virgil blanched. Had someone told Thomas what he had been planning? “Yeah, Patton told me what happened. I’m glad that things are all cleared up.” He grabbed Virgil’s arm and squeezed it comfortingly. “How are you doing?”

Virgil smiled and shrugged. “Pretty alright. It’s, nice, to know that they like my stuff.” He ducked his head. “I honestly feel pretty stupid though. For making it such a big deal.”

Thomas shook Virgil’s arm gently. “C’mon, none of that.” He chided. “It was a big deal and something that you guys needed to talk about. Don’t feel stupid.” Thomas leant down and caught Virgil’s eyes. Two small grins appeared on both of their faces.

Virgil huffed out a laugh and pulled away from Thomas. Butterflies were flying around in his stomach. But, they were the good type of butterflies. He was nervous and scared (what if Thomas didn’t like it?) but also excited (what if Thomas liked it?).

He pushed his bangs back and moved his gaze up to the ceiling. “Speaking of gifts.” He glanced back down at Thomas and managed to catch the sight of the grin growing and an excited gleam shine in his eyes.

“Virgil,” Thomas said, drawing out Virgil’s name. “Did you knit me something?”

Virgil smirked and shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, you won’t be able to wear it outside the Mindscape so I guess it’s sorta useless but I thought you might like it.” He reached inside his back pocket and pulled out what he had been working on and tossed it at Thomas’ chest.

Thomas caught it, barely, and held it up to his face. It was a red and yellow striped beanie. Virgil had got the idea from Joan’s beanie which Thomas liked to admire from time to time. 

Virgil looked away. The butterflies in his gut were going crazy now. What if Thomas didn’t like it? “I wanted to knit something for you like I did the others. Should’ve asked you to buy some yarn in the real world so you could actually wear it outside the Mindscape but then you would’ve known and I wanted it to be a surprise.” He waved his hands nervously. “So, yeah. Knitted this for you and you can’t wear it anywhere. Sor-”

Virgil yelped and tensed when Thomas pulled him into a hug. “What are you sorry for?! I love it!” Thomas cried. Virgil blinked and slowly brought his arms up to hug Thomas back. 

“You, you do?”

Thomas nodded. He was bouncing up and down excitedly on the couch, making Virgil bounce with him. “Are you kidding?” He pulled back and plopped the beanie on his head. He adjusted it and tucked his hair back into it. When he was finished, Thomas spread his hands. “I love it! What do you think? Does it look good on me?”

The red and yellow of the beanie clashed terribly against the purple of Thomas’ hair that poked out. It was also a little too big on hung down a little too low in the back. Virgil grinned and laughed.

“It looks amazing on you.” He said truthfully. Thomas laughed and ran his hands over the beanie lovingly. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to lose his words halfway through. He pulled Virgil back into a hug, tucking Virgil underneath his chin. 

Virgil relaxed and let loose a little sigh. Thomas cuddled Virgil closer to him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Thank you, Virgil.” He whispered. He hesitated before adding “I love you so much. You know that, right Virge?”

Virgil snorted and nodded. “Course I do, Moron. Love you too.”


End file.
